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nothing much has been happening here in Melbourne. Mainly because it’s just been too stinking hot to actually do anything. I know when I was a kid we used to have heat wave conditions like this, but that was a long time ago and we’ve all gotten used to a summer that had only one or two really sweltering days (sweltering referring to anything well over 39 c or102 f ). For the last three days we’ve had 40, 44, and 45 c (104, 111, 113) and they reckon the joy is continuing for the next few days. And even when the cool change comes,  it apparently won’t bring the rain we so desperately need. Needless to say, there’s a lot of hot, unhappy people here in Melbourne town at the moment. Especially given we have a useless state government who have not only sat on their hands when it comes to the water supply for the last 12 years, leaving us in the ridiculous situation where Melbourne is in imminent danger of actually running out of water, but they’ve done the same to the transport and the power grids. So, not only are people hot, but they can’t get home and, if they do, many have been finding they’re victims of systematic blackouts. Read, no cold drinks and spoiled food in fridges.

But enough whining. As I have nothing writing wise to add, I thought I’d share the following. My brother sent it today, and it’s not only funny, but true  🙂

You know you’re Australian if….

You know the meaning of ‘girt’.

You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk.

You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin.

You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

When you hear that an American ‘roots for his team’ you wonder how often and with whom.

You understand that the phrase ‘a group of women wearing black thongs’ refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

You pronounce Melbourne as ‘Mel-bin’.

You believe the ‘L’ in the word ‘Australia’ is optional.

You can translate: ‘Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas’.

You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns, cows and sheep.

You call your best friend ‘a total bastard’ but someone you really, truly despise is just ‘a bit of a bastard’.

You think ‘Woolloomooloo’ is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin.

You understand that ‘Wagga Wagga’ can be abbreviated to ‘Wagga’ but ‘Woy Woy’ can’t be called ‘Woy’.

You believe that cooked-down axle grease such as vegemite makes a good breakfast spread.

You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they become Kiwis again.

You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says ‘cobber’.

You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song ‘Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again’.

You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

You still don’t get why the ‘Labor’ in ‘Australian Labor Party’ is not spelt Labour.

You wear ugg boots outside the house.

You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them.

Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

You understand that ‘excuse me’ can sound rude, while ‘scuse me’ is always polite.

You know what it’s like to swallow a fly.

You understand that ‘you’ has a plural and that it’s ‘youse’.

You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket.

You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call ‘Anzac Biscuits’.

You still think of Kylie as ‘that girl off Neighbours’.

You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants.

You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand!!

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